


If You're Under Fire, I Will Cover You

by rosesmallow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Arguments, Canon Compliant, Found Family, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Missing Scene, Protective Kaydel Ko Connix, resolved tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesmallow/pseuds/rosesmallow
Summary: Kaydel Ko Connix's world has turned upside down and everything she thought she knew is crashing down around her.Or, the one where Kaydel's anger is explored and she has a much-needed discussion with Leia.
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix & Leia Organa, Kaydel Ko Connix & Poe Dameron
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	If You're Under Fire, I Will Cover You

**Author's Note:**

> me: you know kaydel is still angry during the transport ships, that would be fun to explore in a fic, you know, a short little missing scene to write  
> me, 3k words later: please never let me write resistance found family angst again (or let me write any of leia's kids arguing with her again)
> 
> not much to add here, just that if you're a fan of holdo maybe...not read this. title is from brother by kodaline!

Kaydel watched with a mixture of trepidation, fear, and rage curling inside her as a pair of Resistance soldiers - officers, she noted with a significant amount of disdain, that was loyal to Holdo - hauled Poe onto a gurney. She stayed close to him, ignoring the General and Holdo as they spoke in hushed tones on the bridge. Kaydel didn’t trust herself, didn’t trust the way her throat was constricting with emotion, not to snap at Holdo.

  


She’d watched warily when Holdo stepped forward after D’Acy announced she would be temporarily succeeding Leia; Amilyn Holdo stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the grimy briefing room. She dripped of old money, of a level of prestige and elitism that Kaydel assumed burned with Hosnian Prime. Amilyn Holdo was a  _ politician,  _ first and foremost, and it was painfully apparent when she spoke, giving a veiled promise of protecting a Republic that had, in the end, been filled with corruption and complicit senators who benefited greatly from the First Order’s money and resources.

  


Her hollow speech seemed to be enough for most, but it hadn’t been for Kaydel and it hadn’t been for a befuddled Poe Dameron, she’d noticed. He’d looked around in surprise by how quickly everyone accepted the strange proclamation, hung around to offer what help he could - falling into routine, Kaydel guessed, so he wouldn’t have time to think on the hanger explosion or the fact that Leia was in critical condition. Kaydel overheard everything Holdo had said to him, saw the way she leaned into his personal space, with that condescending, predatory smile as she threw his own guilt in his face.

  


Kaydel saw the way Poe’s shoulders sagged when Amilyn stalked away, saw him scratch at his forehead, looking so much older than what he was. That alone would’ve been enough to sour her perception of the Vice Admiral - Poe was one of her closest friends, he and the rest of Black Squadron had taken her under their wings when she joined the Resistance; Poe would sometimes aide her in fixing her hair if she was busy catching up on work in the mornings over breakfast, Kare would check to make sure Kaydel remembered to eat during her shifts (she was prone to forget), Jess would drag her away to get some fresh air and they’d talk for hours about everything and nothing, Snap would play games with her on the nights when they were both off - but the  _ way _ Holdo did things…

  


Being secretive, openly mistrustful, standing by while their fleet was picked off one by one? The way Holdo ignored and dismissed anyone who didn’t have a rank higher than commander, operating as if this was the New Republic Fleet and not as if a mere three days ago, when Kaydel wasn’t even a  _ lieutenant  _ yet allowed to sit in on a classified briefing on how to take out Starkiller; not as if the Resistance was no more than four hundred people crammed into a handful of vessels, terrified and desperate and on the verge of absolute calamity.

  


On top of that, the fact that she’d ordered the techs to assault anyone who attempted to desert. Kaydel’s stomach lurched at the idea of people turning their back on the cause, but physically harming and then restraining them against their will seemed...too much like something the First Order would’ve done.

  


Leia would never have stood for it, Kaydel had been certain of that - or she had been until Leia had emerged from the smoke and immediately stunned Poe into submission. Terrified, Kaydel had raised her arms in surrender: she’d been expecting a fight, she’d stepped behind Poe so he could cover her, but she’d expected it from Holdo.

  


Her eyes prickled and she reached out for Poe’s hand, squeezing it lightly where it lay still on the gurney. The Resistance soldiers shared a brief irritated glance, obviously annoyed by her holding them up on their orders. Kaydel found she didn’t care, found that she wanted nothing more than to scream at them all, just like she’d heard Poe had done earlier on the bridge, call them what they were:  _ traitors.  _

The Resistance was going to burn, and they’d set the fuse, but it was her and Poe and the others that were being demonized, their actions being twisted into an act of hubris or - 

  


She brushed her thumb along Poe’s knuckles.  _ We’re trying to save them, we were trying to save what the General built. _

  


“Lieutenant,” Amilyn said and Kaydel was reminded of certain berries she’d been warned never to eat growing up on Dulathia, how the sweetest berries could disguise poison. The Vice Admiral’s voice was just like that, “Step aside so they can do their job.”

  


Kaydel didn’t budge from her rooted spot by Poe, drawing on some of the steel she’d seen in Leia before, the gut she’d witnessed first hand from Black Squadron. It wasn’t something Kaydel from three days ago would’ve dreamt of doing, but a lot had happened since then. She instead fixed Amilyn with a hard, challenging stare. 

  


Something akin to hurt flashed behind Amilyn’s eyes, and Kaydel  _ relished _ in it - thrived in how she could make the Vice Admiral falter as her eyes swept down to take in her dress: another thing that had stuck out in the meeting, the fact that the Vice Admiral had perfectly manicured nails and a dress made of expensive silk that for the same price would’ve fed them rations for half a year, probably, while everyone else stood in grimy, sweaty uniforms. 

  


“Connix,” this was Leia, her voice exhausted yet firm. It was a different shade of gentleness than the type the Vice Admiral employed, it was genuine. “Step aside, you can go with them to the transports and keep an eye on him.”

  


“Certainly,” Kaydel said, her voice sharp and there was too much pressure in her chest, “I’ll try not to stun him if he wakes.”

If she had not turned on her heel so quickly so the General wouldn’t see her eyes swimming with tears, she would’ve seen Leia flinch at her words. As it was, Kaydel moved swiftly out of the bridge and into the corridor. How had things spiraled this far out of control? Her world was crashing down all around her, and Kaydel Ko Connix felt alone. Poe was unconscious, Black Squadron was halfway across the galaxy, and it seemed as though the General had sided with the woman who’d damned them all.

  


Even as she thought it, Kaydel couldn’t believe it. But what else was she supposed to think? Nothing made sense anymore, all she knew was that she was marching towards a slow demise, with Poe lying still on a gurney behind her, and her faith that they would survive - that the Resistance would win - shriveling up in her chest, frightened and without hope.

  


The hanger was full of people, despite the fact that there were only a handful of transports left to file into. Kaydel watched warily, hovering over Poe’s gurney protectively, daring anyone to near him. He’d protected her on the bridge, and she was going to return the favor. No one was going to touch him, Kaydel would make sure of that.

  


She focused on his sleeping features instead of the crowd, instead of the twist of anxiety in her gut. His tawny features were schooled into a nearly peaceful expression and it reminded Kaydel of simpler times, finding him dozing in between meetings when she was rushing to her next shift. Poe could fall asleep anywhere, it turned out, and he’d often fallen asleep by her while she worked late in the evenings; he’d meant to keep her company, she knew, but she also didn’t mind having him sleep near her while she worked in silence. There was a special kind of trust, Kaydel thought, of allowing yourself to sleep near someone else, and it was that trust Poe had in her that she held onto tenderly, because trust was a fragile thing and so was friendship, and she was not eager to lose either from him. 

  


Abruptly, the crowd burst into murmurs. Some cheers rang through the hanger, slicing through the graveyard silence. Kaydel looked up from Poe to find Leia in the middle of the room; she’d since changed out of her medical robes, opting for a polished, dark dress and fancy cloak. At first, Kaydel wasn’t sure why her presence had caused such a ruckus before she remembered that Holdo hadn’t put a ship-wide notice that Leia had survived the attack on the bridge.

  


Half the people in this hanger had been under the impression that Leia was dead, perished like the other Resistance leaders, and yet here she was: alive, a miracle. 

  


Kaydel’s eyes flicked back down to Poe, her lips thinning. A miracle who’d sided with the devil when they needed her on  _ their  _ side most of all. 

  


The murmurs of the crowd broke into staccato, as they were reminded of the urgency of the situation. Kaydel eyed Leia for a long moment, caught in indecision as a thought pressed against her, an urge to do  _ something.  _ It would be reckless, downright insubordinate, but she’d already been party to a mutiny hadn’t she? What was one more impulsive decision after that? 

  


Still, she hesitated before she stood up: she didn’t want to leave Poe unattended, but she had to do this: for the Resistance, for herself, and for him. “I’ll be back,” she promised his sleeping form, then crossed to Leia.

  


The first thing Kaydel noticed was that the General was leaning into a cane, which was mostly hidden from view by her large overcoat. Due to the black paint of the walking aide, it blended in almost perfectly, giving the illusion that Leia didn’t require a cane at all. Kaydel wondered why, then recalled Holdo’s ableist comment to Poe about assigning him bedpan duty if he wanted to be so loyal to Leia.

  


The memory, combined with the fact that Leia was hiding the fact that she needed a walking aid because of the Vice Admiral’s presence, made Kaydel even angrier. But it wasn’t the hot kind of anger that she’d grown accustomed to, it was a tired, bone-deep anger that she knew would never fade. 

  


Leia opened her mouth to greet her, but Kaydel didn’t give her the chance, cutting across with her own hissed, “What the hell was that, General?” 

  


The exclamation hung between them, heavy like a blaster bolt. For a moment, Kaydel thought she could even smell ozone in the air, before she pressed on, fighting to keep her voice even, “You didn’t even wait for an explanation, you didn’t even  _ hesitate _ before turning a blaster on Poe and stunning him - your own  _ right-hand man _ , your best pilot. Was slapping him not enough?”

  


That was too harsh and Kaydel knew it as she said it, but the flash of shame and hurt that passed across Leia’s face drove in just how much. Still, she had more to say and if the General interrupted her, there was no way Kaydel would be able to go on, “He was the one who hauled you in from the airlock, was the first person who started moving, he went with the medics to make sure you were okay, everything he’s ever done has been to keep us and  _ you  _ safe and yet you - you side with  _ her _ ? The woman who waltzes in wearing a vintage gown easily worth a month’s supply of fuel, who ran us down to one cruiser? Who has done nothing but cut Poe down at every turn, pushed me away and treated me like - like some naive kid who couldn’t  _ fathom  _ some mythical plan to save us? Who can’t be bothered to remember the names of people under her own command?”

  


Kaydel’s voice had begun to carry with the way it rose with every other word. Around the hanger, a few people had stopped in shock, watching the usually respectful Kaydel Ko Connix glaring at  _ General Organa  _ and openly challenging her authority and decisions. For the moment, Kaydel was drawing in as much space as Leia usually did, commanding attention,  _ respect,  _ anger lacing each word, each action. 

  


“She couldn’t even bother to offer us  _ hope _ , she was approving orders to harm and restrain our people, our  _ family.  _ Do you know how many people have gone into the medbay, either from injuries from her order or from self-inflicted injuries because she couldn’t be bothered to offer us... _ anything. _ The only person who was going around trying to give us that was the man you  _ stunned _ without question because you trusted her over - over -” Kaydel tripped over her words, unsure of what to call herself and Poe when it came to Leia. Tears sprang to her eyes, hot. “You chose her over us. We deserved better than that, he at least deserved a chance to explain himself, you should have given him  _ that much. _ Whatever happened to not being able to solve your problems simply by shooting something,  _ General _ ?”

  


Kaydel inhaled sharply, trying to catch her breath. Her chest was heaving from the outburst, and as she was trying to draw in oxygen, Leia finally spoke: “You’re right.”

  


“Did you even stop to find out what exactly was happening or did you just trust her over us -” Kaydel stopped, Leia’s words catching up to her. She blinked, “What?”

  


There was no anger on Leia’s face as she shrugged off Kaydel’s surprise, “I’m experienced, Connix, I’m not infallible. I make mistakes, despite what you and Dameron would like to believe. I acted on what information I had, while still disoriented. It seemed, at the time, the best option to get Poe to stand down.” 

  


“Poe didn’t act alone, but you didn’t stun me.”

  


“You didn’t have a blaster drawn.”

  


“He had it drawn to protect  _ me _ !” Kaydel snapped. “Because that’s what Poe  _ does,  _ and you know him, he’d  _ never _ hurt you.” She pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes, twisting away from Leia to catch her breath. When she withdrew her hands, they were wet. Kaydel dried them quickly on her trousers before turning back to the General, “He didn’t even  _ want _ it to go this far.”

  


Leia gripped her cane tighter, knowing Kaydel meant more than just the mutiny, but she said nothing. It was taking too much energy taking this with a straight back and a level gaze, as much pain as she was in, for her to measure words.

  


Time stretched out between them before Kaydel finally uttered darkly, “When he wakes up, he deserves an explanation and an apology.” Over Leia’s shoulder, Kaydel watched as Holdo entered the hanger. “Your  _ friend _ is coming,” Kaydel informed her, then stalked off quickly to take a breather away from - from everything.

  


Still, Kaydel watched as Holdo skirted around Leia to leer over Poe’s unconscious body, and fought a growl as the Vice Admiral leaned into his personal space and placed her hand over his cheek like she had any right to touch him. Before Kaydel was even aware of what she was doing, her feet were moving on their own accord, a snarl dancing on her lips, but a pair of hands caught her tight and hauled her back. It was another of her fellow mutineers, and she shook her head at Kaydel, “It’s not worth it.”

  


Kaydel thought it very much was, but the moment was quickly over, and her body relaxed slightly - enough that after a few moments, the pilot who’d restrained her decided it was safe enough to release her. 

  


Soon after, Kaydel shuffled onto the transport and searched for where they sat Poe’s gurney down. She sat down next to him, the day’s events finally catching up to her. She wanted this nightmare to be over, and it probably soon would be, since this shuttle was essentially a coffin. There were no planets nearby, no allies to aid them, very little fuel. They’d drift through space until the life support gave out or the First Order noticed: either way, death awaited them.

  


Kaydel leaned back against the wall, twisting so that her cheek was pressed against the cold metal. She reached out a hand for Poe’s and squeezed it again, “I’m sorry,” she murmured and then closed her eyes.

  


She didn’t get much rest, though, because a few minutes later, D’Acy was requesting her presence with Leia. The Vice Admiral, it seemed, had not gone with them. Perhaps it was cruel, but Kaydel couldn’t find it in her to salvage even a scrap of sympathy for Holdo.

  


Then Leia and D’Acy laid out their plan to her, and for the first time since she and Poe entered the bridge an hour before, Kaydel felt hopeful: they might make it out of this one yet.

  


Given orders to do something, Kaydel began to slip away, but Leia caught her wrist. Kaydel froze, meeting Leia’s gaze, which bore into hers almost imploringly. “I will  _ never _ choose anyone over you and Dameron,” Leia informed her, voice all steel and conviction. “Certainly not Amilyn.”

  


Kaydel swallowed, “Then why -?”

  


“It’s a long story, one I’d love to tell you when we’re not fleeing for our lives. As you were, Lieutenant. Oh, and thank you.” Leia added as an afterthought with a wan smile.

  


“For what?”

  


“For challenging me,” Leia informed her with a wink before growing serious, “and reminding me that this will have consequences for more than just the Resistance. We’ll have to rebuild.”

  


Kaydel swallowed, nodded quickly, and then she was dismissed.

  


Leia was right, they would have to rebuild: more than just the Resistance, they would have to rebuild the respect and trust lost in the last few days, they would have to rebuild the bonds that had been tested and frayed.

  


But they had a firm foundation, that much Kaydel believed because they were still each others'. They still loved each other, and that would be enough. That had to be enough


End file.
